hang on, wait a second
laughing hyterically as my stupid body is flung into the sun
I … um …
OH MY GOD THIS IS REAL, I THOUGHT IT WAS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE: http://thoughtcatalog.com/mark-saunders/2014/04/18-things-females-seem-to-not-understand-because-female-privilege/
How. How is this. Like. I know people are idiots. But seriously. What?
Okay. This is beyond absurd and I shouldn’t even respond, but I’m going to. So. Shall we?
1. Female privilege is being able to walk down the street at night without people crossing the street because they’re automatically afraid of you.
Being afraid of people is a privilege. We are privileged to have to feel afraid of getting attacked. Got it. Right. Thank you.
2. Female privilege is being able to approach someone and ask them out without being labeled “creepy.”
Have you met the person you’re approaching? If not, it’s creepy. Regardless of gender. Sometimes creepiness is rated based on perceived attractiveness/unattractiveness. Again, regardless of gender.
3. Female privilege is being able to get drunk and have sex without being considered a rapist. Female privilege is being able to engage in the same action as another person but be considered the innocent party by default.
I know this is crazy, but if you don’t rape people, or don’t have sex with people who are unable to consent due to being drunk or asleep or whatever else, then you won’t be considered a rapist. Ta-da! Simple! Meanwhile, if you’re a girl and you get drunk and someone decides it’s cool to have sex with you, if you claim rape, you can be sure the blame is going to be thrown back at you for not controlling your drinking or being a slut or trying to ruin someone’s life. Do I even need to cite examples? Throw a rock, you’ll hit one.
4. Female privilege is being able to turn on the TV and see yourself represented in a positive way. Female privilege is shows like King of Queens and Everybody Loves Raymond where women are portrayed as attractive, competent people while men are shown as ugly, lazy slobs.
Uh. Male privilege is turning on the TV and being shown show after show and movie after movie of average-looking lazy slobs getting whatever woman they want just because they’re a man and they deserve woman as prize. Meanwhile, try finding female characters that fit any description other than “pretty.” Oh, they’re there. Likely in the background, as some sort of caricature, the butt of a joke, probably a shitty underdeveloped personality, definitely not dating some super attractive successful guy (which is probably being pointed out as proof of their failure at life).
Oh, and Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond is actually portrayed as a nagging shrew of a wife who makes Ray’s life miserable half the time, even though she does everything for him and raises their kids and puts up with his shitty family but boohoo he just wants to watch sports.
5. Female privilege is the idea that women and children should be the first rescued from any sort of emergency situation. Female privilege is saving yourself before you save others and not being viewed as a monster.
Children should be rescued first. That has nothing to do with females. If you think that’s bad, you’re a dick. I don’t even like kids and I think you’re a dick. The rest is antiquated ideology.
6. Female privilege is being able to decide not to have a child.
I’M SORRY. WE GET TO DECIDE TO NOT HAVE TO CARRY A HUMAN BEING INSIDE OF US FOR NINE MONTHS? THE SAME WAY MEN DON’T HAVE TO. YEAH. I THINK THAT’S FAIR.
Yet there are plenty of lawmakers pushing for abortion to be banned and states requiring women to jump through a million hoops, often expensive, painful, and emotional, to have this “privilege.” Shut the fuck up.
7. Female privilege is not having to support a child financially for 18 years when you didn’t want to have it in the first place.
Yo, if you make the adult choice to have sex with someone, and fail to use protection or ensure your partner is on birth control or whatever, and a child comes out of that, you are BOTH stuck with that. Except if you bounce and just have to pay child support, you are BY FAR getting the easy path. You get to go work your job, hang out with your friends, date whoever you want, go wherever you want. If the female ends up with the kid, first of all, you can bet she’s spending more money on it than you. And she also has to find some way to work a job while raising a kid, and probably put her whole life on hold.
8. Female privilege is never being told to “take it like a man” or “man up.”
Dude, everyone hears that at some point, regardless of gender.
9. Female privilege is knowing that people would take it as a gravely serious issue if someone raped you. Female privilege is being able to laugh at a “prison rape” joke.
Who? Who takes it as a gravely serious issue? Because last I checked, hackers exposing rapists were getting more jail time than actual rapists. Last I checked, unless you have fucking video evidence and physical injuries, you often don’t have a case. And regardless of any of that, the majority of society still victim blames the shit out of anyone who comes forward and accuses a dude of rape.
And why the fuck would anyone laugh at a prison rape joke. The only people I have ever heard laugh at those jokes are guys. Because a lot of them don’t grasp that rape is a thing that happens instead of some bizarre concept from a fantasy novel, whereas girls do.
10. Female privilege is being able to divorce your spouse when your marriage is no longer working because you know you will most likely be granted custody of your children.
And then having to raise them on your own? Everyone gets screwed in divorce.
11. Female privilege is being able to call the police in a domestic dispute knowing they will take your side. Female privilege is not having your gender work against where police are involved.
I’ll give you this. Being a white female, I can look or act way sketchy around cops and generally not worry.
But at the same time, if you’re calling the cops in a domestic dispute, um, it’s most likely because somebody is assaulting you. Dumbass.
12. Female privilege is being able to be caring or empathetic without people being surprised.
Okay. Male privilege is being able to be good at things and successful in a career and physically strong without people being surprised.
13. Female privilege is not having to take your career seriously because you can depend on marrying someone who makes more money than you do. Female privilege is being able to be a “stay at home mom” and not seem like a loser.
What the actual fuck shut the fuck up.
Male privilege is being allowed to devote your life to your career and not have to worry about getting fucked over if your spouse divorces you because you have a source of income and years of experience behind it. Male privilege is being able to work when you have kids and not being deemed a bad parent because you want to actually have a life instead of being stuck at home taking care of kids non-stop.
14. Female privilege is being able to cry your way out of a speeding ticket.
Again, what the fuck.
15. Female privilege is being favored by teachers in elementary, middle and high school. Female privilege is graduating high school more often, being accepted to more colleges, and generally being encouraged and supported along the way.
Graduating high school is not a gender privilege, dumbass. It’s if you do your work and make passing grades. The parties that are not privileged in this scenario are families who are poor and their kids have to work to provide another income, leaving less time to do school work and sleep.
And I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about with favoritism. If anything, it’s the opposite. And guys get away with way more shit like goofing off in class because it’s chalked up to “boys will be boys,” whereas girls are expected to just sit and be quiet.
16. Female privilege being able to have an opinion without someone tell you you’re just “a butthurt fedora-wearing neckbeard who can’t get any.”
Take one step into any community on the internet pretending to be a girl, I fucking dare you. Especially video games or comics or any other nerd thing. Male privilege is thinking being called “a butthurt fedora-wearing neckbeard who can’t get any” is even remotely comparable to the slew of shit guys say to girls who dare have opinions on a daily basis.
17. Female privilege is being able to talk about sexism without appearing self-serving.
Hey, everyone can talk about sexism without appearing self-serving! It’s only self-serving when you’re talking about it from the wrong side. Sexism largely benefits men and largely fucks over women. If you’re crying about sexism against men, then yes, you’re self-serving. You’re saying you like your privilege the way it is and, actually, you want more! Shut up.
18. Female privilege is arrogantly believing that sexism only applies to women.
Can people be biased against men? Yes. Absolutely. It just doesn’t fucking matter. You aren’t the oppressed gender. You are the gender in power. You being butthurt about women you don’t know thinking you’re creepy because you ask them out on the subway is irrelevant in the face of, gosh, everything else. If a “nice” Nazi guard at a concentration camp got upset at a Jewish prisoner for not smiling at him as he walked by, would we start writing articles about how Nazis get treated unfairly too? (Apologies to general readers for the extreme comparison.) Of course not.
And besides, you know what the best way to “correct” all those “sexist” issues listed are? FEMINISM. SUPPORTING WOMEN’S RIGHTS. For example, if rape actually starts to get taken seriously by the government and by society at large, rather than just being considered women crying out for attention or revenge, more women will report rapes. Men will become less confident in deciding to rape because they’re less likely to get away with it. Other people may become more likely to step in and stop something that’s happening. There will be less rape. Women will be less afraid of rape. And maybe they’ll stop crossing the fucking street when a guy is walking past them in the middle of the night. Cause. Effect. Go figure, right?
Rachel Kiley, dropping mics.
Also, shouldn’t that show be called “Why does ANYBODY love Raymond?”